I am an only child so my friends have always been a major part of my life. Now that I'm an adult, I realize it wasn't always the right people around me.
I wanted friends at all costs so I was more often a chameleon than an authentic one in order to become what was expected of me. My visceral and insatiable need for love was often portrayed in unhealthy ways in my friendships.
Some people who have passed through my life have taken advantage of this vulnerability, while others have made me evolve. These rare friends are still part of my close guard today.
The beauty of aging is to detect the "dark side" in people and to recognize people who are harmful to us. I had to clean up my surroundings in recent years for many reasons.
The famous feeling of jealousy made me realize that my sadness and my failures funny fed some of my girlfriends. I also realized the hard way that my unhealthy romantic relationships fed some of them and that unfortunately when it came time for me to finally be happy they didn't know how to rejoice in my happiness. They had somehow lost their chaotic friend who she could compare herself to in order to feel better.
Altruism at its limits and my successes and small victories here and there we give rise to naughty feelings in friends who nevertheless had a place of choice in my life.
Jealousy, hypocrisy, envy, betrayal, selfishness are all feelings that we feel one day or another, myself included. However my love for them has always been greater than my resentment.
The last 4 years have made me evolve at high speed. My separation, joint custody, my father's cancer, covid, the closure of my business and so on have been an unequivocal revelation.
It was at this time that I did some spring cleaning in my friendships and decided to focus my energy on those who cry with me when I suffer and who are sincerely happy for me when life smiles on me.
The beauty of adult friendships is that they are fewer in number but so much more real. It feels good to know that there are people who want your pure and simple happiness just out of tenderness and concern for you.
To my precious ones who will be able to recognize themselves through its lines, I love you and thank you for having stayed during the bad weather but above all for having been delighted with the turn of my life which I would describe today as perfectly imperfect.